I know. The New Year passed a couple of weeks back. So technically, it’s too late to make a “New Year’s” resolution. But, I rarely concern myself with technicalities. So, I’m going to give it a shot.
The title might be considered by some to be slightly misleading. I am not in fact going to commit myself to significant personal improvement. I am not going to curb my addictions. I am not going to moderate my tone. I’m not going to read more, spend more time with the kids, pet the dog, take up yoga, study eastern philosophy, or become an expert on some specific topic.
I am not going to try to be more “mindful”. As this is a term used most frequently (in my experience) by people who have no freakin’ idea what they are doing or where they are headed, so they deal with the fact that they are sailing in to the dark, by “living in the moment”. It’s also a catchphrase that allows pseudo-intellectuals to make suitably knowing faces and nod their heads in meaningful ways. Alternatively, they may “like” each other’s posts on Facebook and spend a line or two blowing smoke up each other’s asses.
I am not going to get more in touch with my feminine side. My “feminine side”, is named Beverly. And she is a separate individual. I may in fact get more in touch with her…but that’s none of your business.
I am not going on a journey of spiritual enlightenment. Not setting out to find “God”. Not listening for the spirit’s to guide me. Not tuning in to my muses. Not seeking peace. Peace is boring, and sedentary. Peaceful people annoy me. They smile a lot…and it makes me want to slap the shit out of someone.
I am not going to go get my degree. Or maybe I will…if I feel like it. But, in the end, what’s the point? I live a good life. I have the things I want, or a plan to get them. I have a loving wife, two great kids, a home, and transportation. I have a group of solid gamers to hang out with, and the platforms with which to play. In short, I’m not lacking anything I care about. So advancement is not important to me.
I may lose weight. In fact I need to lose weight. But I hesitate to make that a resolution. It’s just something that needs to be done. You don’t resolve to say excuse me after you fart, or to brush your teeth before bed. You just do these things, because they need to be done.
No, none of these somewhat common resolutions made my list this year. In fact, there is no list. There is just a single item, best summed up by my wife’s cell phone voice mail message. Which she posted, many years ago, at my urging…interestingly enough. It says:
“I’m not available to take your call right now, but thank you for caring enough to call. I’m going through some changes in my life, so please leave me a message at the tone. If I do not return your call, you might be one of the changes.”
Yes. My resolution is to take an inventory of the people in my life, find the ones whose presence adds nothing whatsoever, and remove them.
The drama queens. The leeches, both financial and emotional. The assclowns.
The time has come to finally scrape the last of the losers off my jock, and move on with my life.
I feel better already!